There is something spiritual and magic about old book stores and libraries.
Maybe it is just the smell of old books bringing back forgotten childhood memories, or maybe there is a deeper spiritual connection I canâ€™t explain, but every time I am in a library I feel connected to a higher wisdom and my creativity and inspiration take flight.
There was a public library by my apartment building where I would spend hours every day. I would take my stack of books, go outside in the park, lay down under a majestic eucalyptus tree and read until my back started hurting.
In that park, for many days I would see this little old man meditating under a tree.
He was an intriguing little man with a strange smile on his face, like the cat that had swallowed a canary. It was a smile of total satisfaction coming from inside and it ticked me off with its serenity. One day I went and sat next to him in the shade. I said:
- Hi! Are you a Buddhist?
- What kind of Buddhist are you, what do you believe in?
- Which God?
He stopped for a moment and pierced me with his little biddy eyes.
- I donâ€™t knowâ€¦ how many Gods are there?
- Well, uh, there is only one God.
- So, isnâ€™t that a silly question to ask?
- No, not at all. There are thousands of religions and each one claims to represent the real God. So which one is the real one?
- Do you have a mother?
- Of course I have a mother. Isnâ€™t that a silly question to ask?
- No, not really. There are millions of mothers out there. How do you know which one is your real mother?
So the little man is playing tough. I had to stop and think. Where is the catch? Ok. Letâ€™s play along and see where this goes.
- My mother is my mother because she made me.
- So, how come you donâ€™t know who your father is?
I had this strange feeling that I was about to get a higher understanding of something that had eluded me so many times before. I stood there, my wheels spinning at hyper speed.
- You think you can choose God like you choose a pair of shoes? â€¦You choose the right one and you go straight to heaven, you choose the wrong one and you go straight to hell? â€¦There is no choosing. Nobody has God. No religion, no country, no race, no man has God. God has all of us, the Christians, the Buddhists, the Muslims, the Hindus and even the ones that donâ€™t believe in God at all. We donâ€™t make God, God made us. We donâ€™t choose God, God chose us.
Well, I had to admit. That was something I never considered. There is no choice. God is my father and I couldnâ€™t change that even if I wanted to. It is what it is and thatâ€™s all it is.
A question still remained. So I asked:
- So how does one relate to God?
- How do you relate to your mother?
- I love her more than anything in this world.
- Well if thatâ€™s good enough for your mother I believe itâ€™s good enough for your father too.
- You donâ€™t understand. It is not that simpleâ€¦ What should one think of God and howâ€¦ how do you believe in God?
- It doesnâ€™t matter. It doesnâ€™t matter what you believe about God or if you believe in God. What matters is what God believes about you. The question is not do you believe in God. The question is, does God believe in you?
I had no idea, no clue, no answer. I felt like a piÃ±ata after a Mexican birthday party.
My head hurt, my heart ached. I stood up and stumbled my way back home.
This little guy had just shattered my whole belief system in 5 minutes. I had to get some rest.
I recouped really fast and went back to my new found teacher armed with even more questions, battling over every argument, from philosophy to politics.
He was a hard cookie to break.
Many times I would find him meditating and out of respect I would sit down beside him and pretend that I was meditating too, although I would just sit there with my eyes closed waiting for him to start talking.
One of those days sitting there â€œmeditatingâ€ I let my mind wander and in a flash of lightning I had the revelation of God.
It was such a shock that my whole body reacted and I believe I groaned so loudly that I woke him up. I stood still as a stone, looking at him, tears rolling down my face. He smiled at me and I knew he knew. I smiled back and he knew that I knew.
After a life time of searching, after crossing an ocean and thousands of miles, finally I found God. Not in a church, not in a bible but right here in my heart. He was always there, all I had to do was say:
- Hi God!