Discerning Healthy Relationships

Q. "I feel the falling away of self happening very gradually, leaving me with an ever-increasing need for stillness, gentleness, and simpleness.

I live in a very negative, hectic, chaotic, and verbally violent environment, with a person who is in constant emotional pain. He yells a lot, and is almost always angry.

I feel like I’m suffocating, and I just want to leave, to walk out. I just want silence. I accept him for where he’s at. But my partner says that if I were truly feeling the falling away of self, that none of this negativity would bother me. Is this true?

When you transcend the ego, or when the self falls away, does this mean nothing bothers you anymore? Is the desire to be away from negative environments, an egoic desire?"

Adya. "Thank you for your question. Let me start by saying that your partner is wrong in assuming that if you were liberated you would feel fine in any situation. The more free you are, the more you can discern what are healthy and unhealthy conditions and relationships, and the more you feel free to take the appropriate action. Freedom is not stupid, nor is it a doormat for others’ dysfunction. It is the freedom to act as life dictates.

Please do not let anyone use these teachings to disempower or dehumanize you. They are meant to serve the liberation of all."

From: No Self Study Course - Q&A - 2013