One day after finishing her meditation, Sudhamani (young Amma) came out of the tiny shrine room. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that she was a small child, and that Nature was the Divine Mother. In that mood she crawled like a baby on all fours to the base of a coconut tree. Sitting there shedding tears, she pleaded, “Mother... my Mother... why are You hiding from my sight? I know that You are hiding in this tree. You are in these plants, You are living in these animals, these birds! The earth is nothing but You. O Mother, how You conceal Yourself in the ocean waves and in the cooling breeze! O Mother, my elusive Mother!...” The next moment she embraced the coconut tree, feeling that it was the Divine Mother.

Sometimes Sudhamani lay down, but not to rest, as she had no fondness for sensuous pleasure. While lying on the bare ground, she would gaze endlessly at the infinite sky, the silvery clouds, the shining sun, the glittering stars, the soothing moon.

When dark storm clouds gathered overhead, Sudhamani no longer saw Sri Krishna in them, but imagined the long, cascading, curly hair of the Divine Mother. Each object suspended in the infinite heavens became a sign of the presence of Devi. As she lay under the sky, she never slept, but remained in a state of tear-filled supplication to the Supreme Mother of the Universe.

Referring to those days, Sudhamani later recalled, “While walking I used to repeat the Divine Name with every step. I took each step only after chanting the mantra. Should I forget to chant the mantra while taking a step, immediately I stepped backwards. Having withdrawn the step, I would repeat the mantra. Only then would I proceed.

If I happened to be engaged in any external activity, I used to decide beforehand to chant the mantra a certain number of times before finishing the task. While bathing in the river, before plunging into the water, I used to resolve to chant the mantra a certain number of times before coming to the surface. I never had a Guru, nor was I ever initiated by anyone and given a particular mantra. The mantra which I used to chant was ‘Amma, Amma’ (Mother Mother).”

From the biography of Mata Amritanandamayi written by Swami Amritaswarupananda