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Annamalai Swami: You only have one real choice (Final Talks, page 38):Question:Ramana Maharshi once remarked that free will is non-existent, that all our activities are predetermined and that our only real choice is either to identify with the body that is performing the actions or with the underlying Self in which the body appears.Someone once said to him: ‘If I drop this fan, will that be an act that has always been destined to happen in this moment?’And Bhagavan replied, ‘It will be a predestined act’.I assume that these predestined acts are all ordained by God, and that as a consequence, nothing happens that is not God’s will, because we, as individuals, have no power to deviate from God’s ordained script.A question arises out of this.If I remember the Self, is this God’s will?And if I forget to remember at a certain moment, is this also God’s will?Or, taking my own case, if I make an effort to listen to the sound ‘I-I, is this God’s will, or is it individual effort?Annamalai Swami:Forgetfulness of the Self happens because of non-enquiry.So I say, ‘Remove the forgetfulness through enquiry’.Forgetfulness or non-forgetfulness is not a part of your destiny.It is something you can choose from moment to moment.That is what Bhagavan said.He said that you have the freedom either to identify with the body and its activities, and in doing so forget the Self, or you can identify with the Self and have the understanding that the body is performing its predestined activities, animated and sustained by the power of the Self.If you have an oil lamp and you forget to put oil in it, the light goes out.It was your forgetfulness and your lack of vigilance that caused the light to go out. Your thoughts were elsewhere. They were not on tending the lamp.In every moment you only have one real choice:to be aware of the Self or to identify with the body and the mind.If you choose the latter course, don’t blame God or God’s will, or predestination. God did not make you forget the Self.You yourself are making that choice every second of your life.
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Annamalai Swami: You only have one real choice (Final Talks, page 38):

Question:
Ramana Maharshi once remarked that free will is non-existent, that all our activities are predetermined and that our only real choice is either to identify with the body that is performing the actions or with the underlying Self in which the body appears.

Someone once said to him: ‘If I drop this fan, will that be an act that has always been destined to happen in this moment?’
And Bhagavan replied, ‘It will be a predestined act’.

I assume that these predestined acts are all ordained by God, and that as a consequence, nothing happens that is not God’s will, because we, as individuals, have no power to deviate from God’s ordained script.
A question arises out of this.
If I remember the Self, is this God’s will?
And if I forget to remember at a certain moment, is this also God’s will?
Or, taking my own case, if I make an effort to listen to the sound ‘I-I, is this God’s will, or is it individual effort?

Annamalai Swami:
Forgetfulness of the Self happens because of non-enquiry.
So I say, ‘Remove the forgetfulness through enquiry’.
Forgetfulness or non-forgetfulness is not a part of your destiny.
It is something you can choose from moment to moment.

That is what Bhagavan said.
He said that you have the freedom either to identify with the body and its activities, and in doing so forget the Self, or you can identify with the Self and have the understanding that the body is performing its predestined activities, animated and sustained by the power of the Self.

If you have an oil lamp and you forget to put oil in it, the light goes out.
It was your forgetfulness and your lack of vigilance that caused the light to go out. Your thoughts were elsewhere. They were not on tending the lamp.

In every moment you only have one real choice:
to be aware of the Self or to identify with the body and the mind.
If you choose the latter course, don’t blame God or God’s will, or predestination. God did not make you forget the Self.
You yourself are making that choice every second of your life.

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What ever kind of thought arises,
have the same reaction: 'Not me, not my business'.
It can be a good thought or a bad thought.
Treat them the same way.
To whom are these thoughts arising ?
To You.
That means you are not the thought.
You are the Self.
Remain as the Self, and don't latch onto anything that is not the Self.

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Meditation is not something that should be done in a particular position at a particular time. It is an awareness and an attitude that must persist throughout the day.

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When the mind appears every morning don’t jump to the usual conclusion, “This is me; these thoughts are mine.” Instead, watch these thoughts come and go without identifying with them in any way. If you can resist the impulse to claim each and every thought as your own, you will come to a startling conclusion: you will discover that you are the consciousness in which the thoughts appear and disappear. You are allowed to run free. Like the snake which appears in the rope, you will discover that the mind is only an illusion which appears through ignorance or misperception.

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The thought ‘I am meditating’ is an ego thought. If real meditation is taking place, this thought cannot arise.

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SATSANG WITH ANNAMALAI SWAMI

REALIZATION OF THE SELF COMES THROUGH BOTH EFFORT AND GRACE

Q: You talk a lot about effort but rarely speak about grace. Don’t you attach much importance to grace?

AS: Grace is important. In fact it is essential. It is even more important than effort. Realization of the Self comes through both effort and grace. When one makes a steady effort to abide in the Self one receives the guru’s grace in abundance. The grace comes not only through the form of one’s guru. When you meditate earnestly all the Jivanmuktas of the past and the present respond to your efforts by sending you blessings of light.

Q: Should one have a strong desire for realization? Is such a desire necessary if we want to do earnest sadhana? Or should we surrender even this desire and just get on with our meditation?

AS: Once, as Narada was going to Vaikunta, he met two sadhus who were doing tapas. They asked him where he was going and he replied, ‘Vaikunta’. They both wanted to know how their tapas was progressing so they asked Narada to ask Vishnu when they would attain liberation. Narada went to Vaikunta and returned with the information.
To the first sadhu he said, ‘You are very close. After four or five more births you will get liberation.’
The sadhu was rather annoyed by his prediction because he felt that he was almost enlightened.
‘I have been doing tapas since my birth,’ he said, ‘and I know that I have done tapas in previous births. Why do I have to wait for four or five births? This prediction cannot be correct.’

Narada said to the second sadhu: ‘You have been doing tapas under a tamarind tree. For you too liberation will eventually come, but first you will have to take as many more births as there are leaves on this tree.’

The second sadhu was very happy to hear this. ‘Moksha is certain for me!’ he exclaimed. ‘It will come one day. Vishnu Himself has guaranteed it!’
At that moment a big wind came and blew all the leaves off the tree. As the last leaf touched the ground he realized the Self.

The sadhu who was patient and contented showed that he had truly surrendered. The other sadhu showed his immaturity through his frustration and his impatience. If you have truly surrendered, you don’t demand realization from God. You are content with whatever He gives you.

Q: It seems that so much time is needed to realize the Self; many lifetimes in fact. For me, realization always seems to be an event in the distant future.

AS: You don’t need hundreds of lives to realize the Self. In fact you don’t need any time at all. Your idea of time is one of the things that is holding you in bondage. Time is one of the properties of the mind. Liberation does not come after a period of time because there is no time in the Self.

Liberation comes when you fully understand and experience there is no one who needs liberation. That understanding and that experience only arise when the mind and its inbuilt ideas of time cease to function. If you think about time and start to worry about how much longer it will be before you realize the Self, your attention will be on the mind and not on the Self. You can only make progress while the mind is on the Self.

Q: You often say that satsang is important. Can I have satsang of Bhagavan even though he is now dead? I am asking this because I once had a powerful experience of his presence while I was in Switzerland. At that time Bhagavan had been dead for many years.

AS: Bhagavan is at all times and in all places. Since he is the Self and not any particular physical form, it is of little importance that the body that we took to be Bhagavan is now dead. Radio waves can be received anywhere. If you tune yourself to Bhagavan’s wave length, which means abiding in the Self, you can be aware of him broadcasting his grace wherever you are.

There is never any separation from Bhagavan. Every atom in the material universe is Bhagavan. Every act which happens in the world is done by Bhagavan alone. Every being, every form is Bhagavan’s form. When you are clearly attuned to Bhagavan you will experience clarity and peace. You will receive guidance wherever you are.

Living by the Words of Bhagavan, p. 288

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Question: What is the easiest way to be free of the 'little self?

Annamalai Swami: Stop identifying with it. If you can convince yourself ‘This "little self” is not really me,’ it will just disappear.

Q: But how to do this?

AS: The 'little self’ is something which only appears to be real. If you understand that it has no real existence it will disappear, leaving behind it the experience of the real and only Self.
Understand that it has no real existence and it will stop troubling you.

Consciousness is universal. There is no limitation or little self in it. It is only when we identify with and limit ourselves to the body and the mind that this false self is born. If, through enquiry, you go to the source of this 'little self’, you find that it dissolves into nothingness.

Q: But I am very accustomed to feel I am this "little self". I cannot break this habit merely by thinking I am not this "little self."

AS: This 'little self’ will only give way to the real Self if you meditate constantly. You cannot wish it away with a few stray thoughts.

Try to remember the analogy of the rope which looks like a snake in the twilight. If you see the rope as a snake, the real nature of the rope is hidden from you. If you only see the rope, the snake is not there. Not only that, you know that there never was snake there. When you have that clear and correct perception that the snake never at any time existed, the question of how to kill the snake disappears. Apply this analogy to the 'little self’ that you are worrying about. If you can understand that this little self never at any time had any existence outside your imagination you will not be concerned about ways and means of getting rid of it.

Q: It tis all very clear but I feel that I need some help.
I am not sure that I can generate this understanding by myself.

AS: The desire for assistance is part of your problem. Don't make the mistake of imagining that there is some goal to be reached or attained. If you think like this you will start looking for methods to practice and people to help you. This just perpetuates the problem you are trying to end. Instead, cultivate the strong awareness, ‘l am the Self. I am That. I am Brahman. I am everything.' You don't need any methods to get rid of the wrong ideas you have about yourself. All you have to do is stop believing them. The best way to do this is to replace them with ideas which more accurately reflect the real state of affairs. If you think and meditate ‘I am the Self’ it will do you a lot more good than thinking, ‘I am the "little self". How can I get rid of this "little self”.

The Self is always attained, it is always realized; it is not something that you have to seek, reach or discover. Your vasanas [mental habits and tendencies] and all the wrong ideas you have about yourself are blocking and hiding the experience of the real Self. If you don't identify with the wrong ideas, your Self-nature will not be hidden from you.

You said that you needed help. If your desire to gain a proper understanding of your real nature is intense enough, help will automatically come. If you want to generate an awareness of your real nature you will be immeasurably helped by having contact with a jnani. The power and grace which a jnani radiates quieten the mind and automatically eliminate the wrong ideas you have about yourself. You can make progress by having satsang of a realized Guru and by constant spiritual practice. The Guru cannot do everything for you. If you want to give up the limiting habits of many lifetimes, you must practice constantly.

Living by the Words of Bhagavan, pp 258-60

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Here and now you are already the Self.
You don't need time to realize it, all you need is correct understanding. Each moment you identify yourself with the body and the mind, you are going in the direction of ego and misery.
The moment you give up that identification, you are moving towards your real Self, towards happiness.

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Remember that nothing that happens in the mind is 'you', and none of it is your business. You don't have to worry about the thoughts that rise up inside you. It is enough that you remember that the thoughts are not you.

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Watch the thoughts come and go without identifying with them in any way. If you can resist the impulse to claim each and every thought as your own, you will come to a startling conclusion: you will discover that you are the consciousness in which the thoughts appear and disappear. You will discover that this thing called mind only exists when thoughts are allowed to run free.

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Be aware of the 'I' so intensely that no other thought can arise.

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If you are having trouble with your enthusiasm for sadhana, just tell yourself:
"I may be dead in seven days".
Let go of all the things that you pretend are important in your daily life and instead focus on the Self for twenty-four hours a day. Do it and see what happens.

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Go deeply into this feeling of 'I'. Be aware of it so strongly and so intensely that no other thoughts have the energy to arise and distract you. If you hold this feeling of 'I' long enough and strongly enough, the false 'I' will vanish leaving only the unbroken awareness of the real, immanent 'I', consciousness itself.

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Self-inquiry must be done continuously. It doesn't work if you regard it as a part-time activity.

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Bhagavan once said to me: The one who limits the Self by believing himself to be the body and the mind has ‘killed’ his own Self. For killing the Self he has to be punished. The punishment is birth and death and continuous misery.

Q.: Is the ending of misery determined by prarabdha karma, or can we bring it nearer by personal effort?

Annamalai Swami: The misery comes to an end only by realizing the Self, not by any other means.

Q: Can this happen at any time?

AS: Here and now you are already the Self. You don’t need time to realize it, all you need is correct understanding. Each moment you identify yourself with the body and the mind, you are going in the direction of ego and misery. The moment you give up that identification, you are moving towards your real Self, towards happiness.

Q: … If I try to generate this feeling ‘I am the Self’’ it will not be the real thing. It will be just another idea in the mind. Can thinking about this idea really help me?

AS: When I say, ‘Meditate on the Self’ I am asking you to be the Self, not think about it. Be aware of what remains when thoughts stop. Be aware of the consciousness that is the origin of all your thoughts. Be that consciousness. Feel that this is what you really are. If you do this you are meditating on the Self. But if you cannot stabilize in that consciousness because your vasanas are too strong and too active, it is beneficial to hold onto the thought, ‘I am the Self; I am everything.’ If you meditate in this way you will not be cooperating with the vasanas that are blocking your Self-awareness. If you don’t cooperate with them, sooner or later they are bound to leave you.
If this method doesn’t appeal to you, then just watch the mind with full attention. Whenever the mind wanders, become aware of it. See how thoughts connect with each other and watch how this ghost called mind catches hold of all your thoughts, saying, ‘This is my thought.‘ Watch the ways of the mind without identifying with them in any way. If you give your mind your full, detached attention, you begin to understand the futility of all mental activities. Watch the mind wandering here and there, seeking out useless and unnecessary things or ideas, which will ultimately only create misery for itself. Watching the mind gives us a knowledge of its inner processes. It gives us an incentive to stay detached from all our thoughts. Ultimately, if we try hard enough, it gives us the ability to remain as consciousness, unaffected by transient thoughts.

– ‘Living by the Words of Bhagavan’, p. 283

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Once you establish a connection with Arunachala, it will keep on pulling you towards it. You cannot resist.

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You have to keep up the enquiry, ‘To whom is this happening?’ all the time. If you are having trouble remind yourself, ‘This is just happening on the surface of my mind. I am not this mind or the wandering thoughts’. Then go back into enquiry ‘Who am I?’. By doing this you will penetrate deeper and deeper and become detached from the mind. This will only come about after you have made an intense effort.

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